On the way home for lunch, I drove past one of the local churches that is obviously doing well, because it installed one of those electronic message boards on the front lawn where the slide-in plastic letter board used to be.
"Faith is knowing there is an ocean because you have seen a brook." it proclaimed in bold, red lite-brite script. (google tells me a chap named William Arthur Ward is responsible for that particualr string of words)
I haven't often agreed with the messages this particular sign usually spells out, but this one gave me pause. Because while I'm still feeling kicked in the gut over the Beloved's announcement that he doesn't in fact see a future for us, and he thinks it's because something is missing, and he's decided that it's love, for some odd reason, the very second thing that occurred to me to say was that I thought he was right that something was missing, but that it was faith, not love.
you gotta have faith
Some people around me can't understand why I'm trying to channel zen through the angst that is tying my stomach up in knots and making me burst into tears at odd moments. The truth is, if I really DO believe it's the real deal, shouldn't he get steadfast & true, patient & kind and hope & belief from me? It's the only way I know how to fight that doesn't involve throwing things and yelling. (and honestly, how much would that accomplish anyways...) The only thing I can think of to do right now to have faith for both of us. And anyways, shouldn't a part of me be happy that he was willing to say something out loud that he knew so I didn't want to hear? The surest way to close the door to that honesty is to shut him down for saying it...
still.... I'd be sleeping a lot better if we were living in opposite land, and his words meant exactly what they didn't say.
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